Thoughts after a Funeral

I am sitting in the Subaru auto-service waiting area.  I came in for a quick oil change and was told I need new front and rear breaks.  I'm glad I brought work to do. Needed new breaks seems like a great metaphor right now. I definitely need to slow down and come to a complete stop with ease... and take a break from doing, working, going all the time! I bet a lot of us do.

Recently, a friend asked if I ever got an entire day to just hang out by myself and do whatever I want. Wow.  Can't remember when the last time that happened. How would I spend my time?

Yesterday I officiated at the funeral of a beautiful 54 year old woman who was a beloved daughter, wife and mom of two.  There were close to 1000 people at her funeral because she had a heart large enough to hold them all.  We never really know who we reach with our love or who has been touched by a deed, word or good thought we send.  For some of us, living a life that offers unconditional love and acceptance, sweet hugs and acts of kindness comes naturally.  For others, it takes a concentrated effort to live life in this manner. Either way, when we do live with the intention to live a meaningful life of good deeds, acceptance and love, the world has got to be a better place.  Just has to be.   And we are better for it.

We are now into the 10 Days of Awe--the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur devoted to ongoing reflection and repentance.  I reflect today on how I can be more open and accepting of others and myself.  I am inspired by the strong women who have come before me. Women who, despite encountering (daily) pain and challenges, model what it means to live with a loving heart and a compassionate soul.

For those who have paved the way... I am grateful.

To See the Light: Jack Kornfield: 'A Lamp In the Darkness' (excerpt)

Below is an excerpt of an excerpt from today's Huffington Post.  This is a wonderful article to read as we conclude the last shabbat of the year.  May these few days before Rosh Hashanah bring us closer still to God, ourselves and one another.   Shavua Tov!

Editors Note: Jack Kornfield is a Buddhist teacher and has been a practitioner for over 40 years. The following is an excerpt from his book 'A Lamp In The Darkness.'

A Buddhist teacher and colleague, Debra Chamberlin-Taylor, tells the story of a community activist who participated in her year-long training group for people of color. This woman had experienced a childhood of poverty, trauma, and abuse. She had faced the death of a parent, illness, divorce from a painful marriage, racism, and the single parenting of two children. She talked about her years of struggle to educate herself, to stand up for what she believed. She described how she had become a radical to fight for justice in local and national politics. Finally, at the last meeting this woman announced, “After all the struggles and troubles I’ve lived through, I’ve decided to do something really radical! I am going to be happy.”

No matter what you have faced, joy and renewal wait your return. When you remember you can open your eyes to the mystery of life around you. Sense the blessings of the earth in the perfect arc of a ripe tangerine, the taste of warm, fresh bread, the circling flight of birds, the lavender color of the sky shining in a late afternoon rain puddle, the million times we pass other beings, in our cars and shops and out among the trees without crashing, conflict, or harm.

Spiritual practice should not be confused with grim duty. It is the laughter of the Dalai Lama and the wonder born with every child. Maurice Sendak, author of Where the Wild Things Are, depicts this spirit in the story of a boy who wrote to him. “He sent me a charming card with a drawing. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters—sometimes very hastily—but this one I lingered over. I sent him a postcard and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, ‘Dear Jim, I loved your card.’ Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, ‘Jim loved your card so much he ate it.’ That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

Yes, we need to carefully navigate through hard times. But the whole world is also our temple, to be tended with love and dignity no matter what. As Martin Luther King Jr. exhorted us all, “If a person sweeps streets for a living, he should sweep them as Michelangelo painted, as Beethoven composed music, as Shakespeare wrote his plays.”

The world offers perennial renewal, in the grass that pushes itself up between the cracks in the sidewalk, in the end of every torrential rainstorm and in every newly planted window box, in every unexpected revolution, with each new morning’s light. This unstoppable spirit of renewal is in you. Trust it. Learn that it flows through you and all of life.

Shabbat Shalom!

I spent part of the morning in our eldest daughter's 4th grade classroom with other parents and grandparents.  Each student/parent/grandparent team told the class of their family origin... we all came from some where other then America!  I listened as the stories unfolded.. there were Holocaust survivors, people born in DP camps, people who came from Italy, Russia, Poland, Israel, Ukraine etc.  Everyone  had a story and I was once again brought back to feeling grateful and in awe of our People's history, our perseverance and strength.  I was reminded of the hard work and sacrifices made by those who came before us so that we could have a better life.   And the only way I can repay them for all that they gave us, is to help 'pay it forward' and try to instill values of family, good deeds, optimism, perseverance, inner-strength and more in my children.

On the last Shabbat of our Jewish New Year, I will think about what values I hold dear and will talk with the kids about what it means to live a 'good life'.  I will ask them to describe what a "good life"means to them and they will not be allowed to use the words: itouch, ipad, computer or TV... :-)  I'll let you know how it goes.  !

Shana Tova u'Metukah~Blessings for a good and sweet New Year.

Elul 22 Parenting #1

It is 10:55 pm and i just came home from work.  Between appointments and teaching high school students today, I called the kids to check in.  I spoke with the girls and then my 1st grade son got on the phone.  He was in the middle of doing his homework and in his particular way, asked me to wait with him on the phone while he did his homework.  He told me not to speak to him.  He would speak to me first, when he finished writing his last word for the assignment.  I agreed.  So I waited.  After 12 minutes of silence, I called his name.  He ignored me.  I waited......

Then finally I heard, "Mom! Mom! Are you there?! Still There?!"  And I said "I am here.  I love you.  How was your day?"
While my appointment waited for me to finish the call, I found out about his day.

I noticed on this, the 22 day of Elul, that when I practice turning to the Light within me, I can be present when Light within someone else is ready to call my name.  Blessings of Teshuva.

Elul 21 You Are a Miracle

I was first introduced  to the writings of Og Mandino about 14 years ago by my husband.  Og's books are treasures.  Although occasionally he refers to the New Testament, he more often then not refers to great thinkers who inspire and who urge us to be fearless and to shine forth our inner-light & energy out into the universe.  

In The Greatest Miracle in the World, Og writes a memorandum from God to you.  Here's an excerpt from The God Memorandum: 

Like a butterfly from its chrysalis you will fly ... fly as high as you wish, and neither the wasps nor dragonflies nor mantids of mankind shall obstruct your mission or your search for the true riches of life.

Feel my hand upon thy head.

Attend to my wisdom.

Let me share with you, again, the secret you heard at your birth and forgot.

You are my greatest miracle.

You are the greatest miracle in the world...

On that reasoning you are the most valuable treasure on the face of the earth, for you know who created you and there is only one of you.

Never, in all the seventy billion humans who have walked this planet since the beginning of time has there been anyone exactly like you.

Never, until the end of time, will there be another such as you...

You! One of a kind. Rarest of the rare. A priceless treasure, possessed of qualities in mind and speech and movement and appearance and actions as no other who has ever lived, lives, or shall live...

Imitate no one. Be yourself. Show your rarity to the world...Proclaim your rarity. 

This YouTube clip is the first 10 min. of Og's lecture series called the Greatest Secrets of Success:  

Elul 20 A Question

The question:  "What would it be like to feel strong, powerful and 'okay' or 'good enough' for most of your day/evening?"  
A good question asked by a good friend.
I am going think about my answer for a bit.  I want to collect and hold close all those moments of feeling strong and take 'em all in.

Elul 20~A day for turning to our truest self by recalling all those moments when we felt strong and good.

Elul 19 Empowerment

Empowerment: Internalizing and acting on the truth that we are all created equal and B’zelem Elohim-- in the image of God, was one of the points touched on at this morning's Torah study.   In Ki Tavo, Deuteronomy 26:1-3 we read that when the Israelites enter the Land of Israel and farm the land, the farmer is to take the first-fruits to the priest and recite a benediction that includes,  “I acknowledge this day before the Lord your God that I have entered the land that the Lord swore to our fathers to assign us.”  Before handing the priest his basket of first-fruits, the farmer tells the priest that there is no difference between them.  That he, just like the priest, lives in the land which God 'swore to OUR fathers.' The farmer reminds not only the priest, but also himself that although we have different roles in society, we are all equal parts of the greater whole.  We are all equal in God's eyes.  The Ishbitzer Rebbe,  comments on this verse  and writes that we can not forget  'There is holiness in the field just as much as in the Temple. 

We are nearing three weeks into the Teshuva process of Elul. All this thinking about mistakes made, about being our best selves will be completely lost if we forget that no matter how insignificant we might feel at times, we are all created equal and in the image of God.  

            There is holiness on our path simply because we are on it.    
          
Shavua Tov! Here's to a good week!   

Elul 17 A Leap of Faith

When I first went to Israel I climbed mountains in the Negev desert for three weeks.  I was 16.  If I had known that mountain climbing was to be part of my Israel experience, I would never have gone. Seriously.  On one climb in particular, I was having great difficulty.  I was hot, annoyed and thirsty. I was tired, self conscious and concerned that I would not be able to complete the ascent.
I was thrilled when we finally reached the summit for I knew that I wouldn't have any trouble climbing down the mountain.  That was always the easy part.  The worst was over, or so I thought...until Yossi, our guide showed me the rope that I had to use to repel down.  "Just hold on to the rope and repel" he demanded.   I approached the mountain cliff and looked down at my friends who all seemed to have no problem following directions.  They looked like ants.  I will spare you the details of my fierce determination to NOT leave the mountain.  Eventually of course I took the rope from the Yossi.
I remember the moment the rope was fully in my hands and I was on my own.  I lowered myself down to meet friends who were cheering me on and it was the first time in days that I allowed myself to see how beautiful my surroundings were. It was the first time that day that I felt present to what was  happening to me.  I felt strong and good.  And it was the first time I remember feeling held by a Power greater then myself.  My first step down that mountain was a leap of faith.
Our courageous actions stay with us through out our lifetime. In a sense they alter our DNA. We take the trials we have overcome with us where ever we go and they help sustain us and guide us.   Doing teshuva affords us an opportunity to reflect on moments when we felt strong and acted with courage.

At some point in our lives, we have all taken a 'leap of faith'.  May Elul 17 remind us of these times and may they continue to carry us from strength to strength.

Elul 16 Friendship

There is a well-known parable in the name of Rabbi Chayim of Zans:  A man was lost for several days in the forest and didn't know which path to take.  He finally sees another man approaching. He is filled with joy and excitement because now he finally thinks he will be able to find the way out. So he asks, "Brother, show me the way out, which is the right way?" And the man replies, "Brother, I too am lost.  I can only tell you this, do not take the paths I have taken, they have only led me astray.  Now let us look for a new way together." 


The month of Elul is a time to reflect on how far deep into the forest we find ourselves.  Are we walking alone--getting lost in our own thoughts and realities?  Do we allow ourselves the gift of admitting we are lost? Are we blind to others who might be extending their hand to help us find our way.  Likewise, maybe someone is waiting for us to offer a way out from the loneliness of wandering.  Are we offering our hand in friendship and trust?   


Elul is a time to reflect on how deep into the forest we are.  It is a time to reflect on moments when we have felt lost during the year but also to remember and acknowledge those who have extended their hands and helped us find our way.   


Elul 16 is a day of gratitude for good friends who walk with us no matter what and who love us just the way we are!

Elul 15 Hineni. Here I Am

For the last several years now  I have opened one of our Rosh Hashana worship services with a meditation called Hineni, by Rabbi Rami Shapiro.   It  speaks of 'showing up' to teshuva and is a beautiful gift to have read today.   Amazing how each year the same meditation can mean such different things to a person.

Hineni by Rabbi Rami Shapiro

Hineni.  Here I am.
A little bit nervous, a little bit self conscious.
After all, whom am I talking to?
And what have I done?
Am I a sinner in search of grace
or a saint seeking salvation?
Am I so evil
or so good
as to warrant this season of introspection?
And yet here it is, and here I am:
this time of change and correction.
this heart of confusion and contrition.
Oh, if I could change!
If I could be so sure of myself
that I no longer had to imagine the sights of others;
to be so loving of myself
that I no longer had to ration my loving of others;
to be so bold with myself
that I no longer had to fear the bravery of others.
Oh, if I could change
there is so much I would change.
Maybe I will, but it scares me so.
Maybe I won't and that should scare me more,
But it doesn't.
So let me pray just this:
Let no one be put to shame because of me.
Wouldn't that make this a wonderful year?
Hineni. Here I am.

May this 15th day of Elul be filled with possibility, openness and risk-taking.

Elul 14 where will my help come from?

Turning takes effort.  It is hard to turn, to repent, to connect even for one day--let alone an entire month.  We are now at the half way point in the month of Elul and I find that inspiration is useful to stay the course.... Today I turned to this psalm and this melody by Yosef Karduner. 


Psalm 121: Shir HaMaalot--A Song for ascents.


I turn my eyes to the mountains; from where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Eternal, Maker of heaven and earth.
God will not let your foot give way; you guardian will not slumber;
See, the guardian of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps!
The Eternal is your guardian, The Eternal is your protection at your right hand.
By day the sun will not strike you, nor the moon by night.
The Eternal will guard you from all harm; God will guard your life. 
The Eternal will guard your going and coming now and forever.  (JPS, adapted)


Shir Hamalot/Psalm 121  by Yosef Karduner. 

Elul 13 Community and Commemoration

Today I went to one of the 9/11 Commemoration Events in our Area.

The commemoration was about bringing light out of darkness.  It was about healing and comforting those in need and it was about taking pride in the building blocks of this country--democracy, freedom and justice.   Today was about community and people of all faiths, beliefs & traditions coming together to honor and recognize our indefatigable spirit.  Today was a blessed reminder to give thanks, to live each moment fully, and to return to pursing the timeless values of justice and freedom.

If you are interested... here's the invocation I offered.  Before I began, I sounded the Shofar.

The blast of the shofar. The shofar:  an ancient instrument which calls us to gather together.  It calls us to remember our victories and our defeats.  Its call awakens us to the strength of our spirit and the power of community. 

Its blast calls us to be strong.  To stand tall and proud and with courage, move forward. Yet its loud reverberation reminds us that we are weak and we are human--subject to both joy and exaltation and moments of terror and tragedy.    

We are together today to remember what we once could not possibly fathom. Again, history has shown us that the unthinkable is possible.  

We gather today 10 years after the towers fell and the human spirit brought light out of darkness.  We still grieve for the tragic loss of life, for the loss of our innocence, for the loss of the world as we once knew it.

We are also here to remember the strength and perseverance of the human spirit.  We were witnesses to the unwavering effort, determination and innate goodness of our citizenry--the civil servants, chaplains and volunteers who heard the cries and answered the call. 

Eternal Power of the Universe, Source of our courage, Strengthen our resolve to continue to work for peace and justice.   May our compassionate hearts move us to embrace the widow, the orphan, the impoverished, the needy.  As one community we lift  up the fallen and support those who are victims of circumstance, terror and hatred. 

May people of all faiths, traditions and beliefs find strength in one another.  May we all work to preserve freedom and security, filling our world with Shalom--wholeness and Peace.  Amen

Elul 11 Good Enough

Pema Chodron writes in The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times:

At [the beginning of our practice] joy is just a feeling that our own situation is workable.  We stop looking for a more suitable place to be.  We’ve discovered that the continual search for something better does not work out.  This doesn’t mean that there are suddenly flowers growing where before there were only rocks.  It means we have confidence that something will grow here..The joy comes from not giving up on ourselves, from mindfully sticking with ourselves and beginning to experience our great warrior spirit.  (80)

“...As warriors-in-training we develop wholehearted determination to use discomfort as an opportunity for awakening, rather than trying to make it disappear.” (108)

You know how last night I was going to do some stretches and quiet down a bit? (see Elul 10 post) Well it didn’t happen.  Ten minutes after I put eldest to bed, she got up complaining she didn’t feel well and basically was wide awake until 11:45pm.  I was defeated after 30 minutes of trying to calm her.  I had no more patience. I was spent.  (I hate admitting that)  I called for dear husband and he handled the rest of the night with her.   He told her stories, sang to her Frank Sinatra, which she loves, and finally quieted her down so she could fall asleep.   I listened from our room to their entire interaction. I could have gotten on the yoga mat--but they were loud, I was annoyed and well...the moment had passed. 

When I left ddaughter's room and gave my kiss goodnight to her, I felt defeated.  It was not a proud parenting moment for me, yet I knew enough to throw in the towel and call for back up.  I was grateful for the backup!  

The feeling of defeat didn't last too long because it occurred to me that if all I could do was call for back up-- that was good enough. 

I learned about being "good enough" from Wendy Mogel's, Blessing of a Skinned Knee. 

 

I didn’t settle in on my yoga mat and delight in peace and quiet last night, but I did get to see how far I’ve grown, how much more at ease in the world I feel.  For the majority of my life, “good enough” was not in my vocabulary.  How many years we spend trying to be perfect and feeling shame and guilt when we are not. Teshuva is also about remembering that we are not expected to be perfect.  I am grateful that last night I allowed myself to be "good enough"  And isn't it amazing that Good Enough is all we will ever be anyway?  

Here's to the joy of not giving up on ourselves!

Blessings for a Shabbat of awakening and Shalom--wholeness and peace. 

elul 10 Shhh

my brain hurts from thinking and doing too much and i am ready to call it a night--early for me.  only 9pm.

soon i will tuck my oldest in bed for the night. we will say prayers. i will remind her to say her 'gratefuls'.  i will tell her i love her and will say lila tov~goodnight and gently shut her door. 
the house will be quiet. i will be quiet.  i will stretch on a yoga mat and remind myself that i am not merely a 'walking-head'.  my body too, needs to work and move and do.  then i will sit for a bit.  sit still, that is.  i will settle in and pay attention to gift of breath.  i will breathe.  I will return.

Lila Tov.

Elul 9 Jews and the 12 Steps

This morning I was a participant in a focus group for rabbis about addiction in the Jewish community.  One rabbi spoke about how there are times when we feel empty inside.  We hunger and search to fill the void inside.  Some of us choose to fill the void with a false sense of security--with substances that will never fill us up.    
We spoke about how we search and search to 'find an easier, softer way' and only when our research is completed and we 'hit rock-bottom', do we open ourselves up to the possibility of turning to a Higher Power and to admitting we have a problem and knowing that there must be a better way to live.  


In my last year of rabbinical school, I was a student rabbi on a JACS retreat.  JACS, an organization dedicated to providing  support to Jewish Alcoholics, Chemically Dependent and Significant others in recovery.  At the JACS retreat, I joined about 6 other rabbis of varied denominations and we spoke with and listened to a hundred or so Jews from the Ultra-Orthodox and Chasidic to the secular and the agnostic.   I spoke with recovering addicts who said that their rabbi believed “Jews don’t drink.”  Some had not entered a synagogue in years because of the guilt and shame they felt about their addictions.  They felt like outcasts in their own our community.  And still others entered into compassionate and welcoming communities that helped them find 12 Step programs and supported them in thier recovery.  


Its rough out there.  We don't have to suffer alone.  Many of us feel an emptiness of the soul and spirit at times, but the addict never feels whole; the void always lurking deep within.  The addict suffers until she or he finds recovery and begins to understand that substance abuse is a disease and the cure is to put one's faith in a Higher Power, go to 12 step meetings, and abstain from the addition by working a daily program of recovery.  


In this month of Elul, when we especially turn to examine our lives, we can ask ourselves whether we  keep searching for ways to fill the void to no avail? Do we keep doing the same things and getting the same results?  Are our lives unmanageable no matter how much we try to control things? 


If you think you might have a problem with substance abuse, phone or email a local 12 step group or perhaps you can contact a clergy-person, teacher or friend who is familiar with 12 step programs. There are recovery groups for addictions of all kinds--Alcohol, food, gambling, sexual behaviour, co-dependencey, drugs etc. There are also support groups like Al-Anon for those living with addicts.  


Ultimately the teshuva process and the 12 steps have the same goal. They help us become the one we were meant to be by bringing us closer to God and wake us up to the sparks of holiness within us all.  


Sending love and blessings of shalom--wholeness and peace.  

Elul 8 Not the Same Old Story.

In the July/August issue of Yoga Chicago Magazine, there is a wonderful review of the 

The 12th Midwest Yoga Conference that took place this past May. "All for Love" was the theme this year and editor Sharon Steffensen writes the following about Seane Corn's class, "Yoga for a Broken Heart."

Seane Corn

"The physical body holds onto the anger and grief," said Seane. "We need to move the energy so that we ourselves don't become sick or depressed. Depression of emotions is a catalyst for depression."

....Ultimately, said Seane, "Forgive yourself for thinking it should have gone better. Forgive yourself for not saying or doing something differently. Name it, claim it, own it, and put it out into the universe. Don't hold onto it.. We can't allow grief to define the whole of our life, nor can we repress or shut it down.. Honor it, come back to the present, and then move on. We do this again and again because it is a process."

Although Seane Corn was speaking particularly about how she dealt with the anger and grief of her father's death, her teaching about working with our emotions is clear, helpful and very much about teshuva.  

To get in touch with our broken heart is not only about knowing and feeling pain, it also about being brave enough to release our pain.  To let it go.  Not easy, I know.  

One of my teachers, Rabbi Sheila Peltz Weinberg once told me that I don't  have to live the same story over and over again.  I have a story. We all do.  A story about growing up, about things that have happened to us. A story about challenges and difficulties.  Sheila taught me that we are not our pain, suffering, grief, anger, guilt, sadness--these emotions and stories are part of us for sure, but they need not define us, nor prevent us from turning and re/turning. 

Today I can remember my story and know that I can begin to live a new story that will bring me to the one whom I am meant to be.  Here's to the challenge and the blessing! 

Elul 7 Seeking Sun~ a guest blogger!

This is a cross-post from my friend and colleague Rabbi Phyllis Sommer Her blog is Thoughts From Rabbi Phyllis, and she is also participating in #BlogElul.


THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 01, 2011

Seeking Sun: #BlogElul


I have a friend who loves the sun. Whenever we go out for lunch or coffee in any weather that remotely feels warm, she insists on sitting outside and preferably in the sun.

I don't remember always loving to sit outside. But since I've been her friend...it's my first instinct, even when I'm not with her. I didn't know how much I loved being in the fresh air!

But I don't really love sitting directly in the sun (as much as I've learned to love sitting outside). She has lovely tanned skin...but I get a big ol' red sunburn if overexposed. So we usually have to compromise, and look for seats that are partially in the shade. She gets the sunny seat, I get the shady one.

In my garden, we are growing sunflowers. We've never grown them before. I am shocked at how tall they have gotten, and with no flowers yet! But yesterday, I saw this peeking out....



Yes, we are going to have some sunflowers. They are peeking out into the sun, seeking light. Each of these flowers is reaching as high as they can for the sunniest sun they can get.

I thought I was going to write a post about sunflowers and how they track the sun, facing their beautiful heads up toward the brightest spot. But instead, I read this on Wikipedia:

A common misconception is that sunflowers track the sun. In fact, mature flowerheads typically face east and do not move. The leaves and buds of young sunflowers do exhibit heliotropism (sun turning). Their orientation changes from east to west during the course of a day. The movements become a circadian response and when plants are rotated 180 degrees, the old response pattern is still followed for a few days, with leaf orientation changing from west to east instead. The leaf and flowerhead bud phototropism occurs while the leaf petioles and stems are still actively growing, but once mature, the movements stop.

Oh my goodness, there's so much to unpack in that - I feel a million sermons coming on! But seriously...they face east? It's just too perfect. Please, though, read through it all again. Young sunflowers move and learn a response pattern to move. But when they are mature (and have stopped growing) the movements stop.

Just like sunflowers, when we stop growing, we stop moving.
Just like sunflowers, we seek the sun when we are young but our instinct is to find a direction and face it once we are older and set in our ways.

Elul is here to remind us that we are not meant to be that way. We can and should find a way to move and redirect and find the light as it moves through our lives in different ways.

I'm so glad that my friend taught me to seek the sun, even at an age when perhaps I was ready to stay set in my ways. I am so glad that I am able to learn and grow and change.

Each day, each moment, I am ready to seek the sunshine.

Elul 6 It takes a village

Elul Day 6~ I officiated at a wedding tonight and was reminded how the support of community and of loved ones can help us become the one who we are meant to be. Teshuva~returning is easier when others help point out the holiness/the light that is within you, but hasnot yet been revealed to you. Erev Tov ~to all a goodnight!

Elul 5 Returning to what matters

Gabi, my 9 year old wanted to make sure I was going to sing her 7 year old brother his bedtime prayers tonight even though his twin sister was at a sleepover.  I said "yes" and then she quietly asked me if I was going to sing to her prayers tonight.  I didn't miss a beat and said "yes, of course." How precious that she should ask.  What a blessing to be able to hear this gentle question from a child~'will you sing me my bedtime prayers?

The kids love their bedtime ritual and miss it when it doesn't happen.  I sometimes forget that.  There are plenty of nights when bedtime is complete chaos and we can't wait to finish up with them and say a lila tov--a goodnight.  Even tonight, actually, I sent a text to a friend saying it will be nice to put the kids to sleep and have a bit of quiet time.

And now I find myself thinking our bedtime ritual of books~n~prayers provides a great measure of comfort, safety and blessing to the kids.  I am filled with gratitude for being present enough to hear Gabi's quiet, sweet request tonight.  

Shavua Tov~May this be a good week of returning to what really matters!

Elul 4 Turkey-Prince

Many years ago while living in Jerusalem, my friend and teacher Ozer Bergman gave me the book Under the Table and How to Get Up: Jewish Pathways of Spiritual Growth by Avraham Greenbaum.  It begins with the following story which I will offer tonight at our worship service to help us prepare for the Holy Days.

The Story of the Turkey-Prince
Once the king's son went mad.  He thought he was a turkey.  he felt compelled to sit under the table without any clothes on, pulling at bits of bread and bones like a turkey.  None of the doctors could do anything to help him or cure him, and they gave up in despair.  The king was very sad...
Until a wise Man came and said, "I can cure him."  What did the Wise Man do?  He took off all his clothes, and sat down under the table next to the king's son, and also pulled at crumbs and bones.  The Prince asked him, "Who are you and what are you doing here?"
"And what are you doing here?" he replied.
"I am a turkey," said the Prince,
"Well I'm also a turkey," said the Wise Man.
The two of them sat there together like this for some time, until they were used to one another.
Then the Wise Man gave a sign, and they threw them shirts.  The Wise Man-Turkey said to the king's son,
"Do you think a turkey can't wear a shirt? You can wear a shirt and still be a turkey."  The two of them put on shirts.
After a while he gave another sign and they threw them some trousers.  Again the Wise Man said, "Do you think if you wear trousers you can't be a turkey?"  They put on the trousers.
One by one they put on the rest of their clothes in the same way.
Afterwards, the Wise Man gave a sign and they put down human food from the table.  The Wise Man said to the Prince, "Do you think if you eat good food you can't be a turkey any more?  You can eat this food and still be a turkey."  They ate.
Then he said to him, "Do you think a turkey has to sit under the table? You can be a turkey and sit up at the table."
This was how the Wise Man dealt with the Prince, until in the end he cured him completely.
(Rebbe Nachman of Bratslov)

Avraham Greenbaum concludes:
"The moral of the tale of the Turkey-Prince is that you can succeed, and the story shows you how.
All of us have two sides to us--the Prince or Princess and the turkey.  The Prince is the higher self, or soul--the child of God, which we all are.  The Prince is the potential self, the person we can be if we learn the right way to nurture ourselves and grow....The Turkey is the lower self, the side that is averse to sacrifice, hard work and effort....The Turkey side makes it harder to be the Prince or Princess we should be--and the reward for succeeding is therefore greater."  (pg 1)

We all live in both realities--our true self and the self that covers up our true inner-beauty.  In this period of soul-searching and returning, May we turn inward and notice both God-given realities, may the prince and princess within us shine brightly and allow us to stand tall, with courage and strength so that we might indeed get up from under the table.

May this Shabbos of Elul bring joy, peace and an additional measure of wholeness to us, Israel and all the world.  
Shabbat Shalom.

Elul Day 3 The Soul is Always Praying

Rabbi Bunam, a Hasidic rebbe  who lived over a century ago, taught his followers:  “Our great transgression is not that we commit sins:  Temptation is strong and our strength is weak.  No, our transgression is that at every instant we can turn to God—and yet we do not turn.”   

We always have the chance to turn to God:  To God--the Eternal Power of the universe, to God-that small still voice,  to God-the light buried deep within us waiting to shine forth out into the world.  Elul begs us to quiet down for even just a moment and turn towards The Light.  To quiet the fears, to stop the mind from racing with the to-dos, the struggles, the Thinking!  Turning can come automatically when we quiet down and give ourselves a time-out from it all.  Knowing that the opportunity to Turn is always available to us, reminds me of a teaching of Rabbi Kook's that I learned from my teachers Rabbi Myriam Klotz and Diane Bloomfield.  Rabbi Kook taught  that "the soul is always praying." He wrote: h

Perpetual Prayer of the Soul:

We can only pray the way prayer is supposed to be when we recognize that in fact the soul is always praying.
Without stop, the soul soars and yearns for its Beloved. It is at the time of outward prayer, that the perpetual prayer of the soul reveals itself in the realm of action.
This is prayer's pleasure and joy, its glory and beauty. It is like a rose, opening its elegant petals towards the dew, facing the rays of the sun as they shine over it with the sun's light.
Olat Re'iyah vol.1, p. 11

The "soul is always praying."  When all the chatter stops and we gently quiet ourselves down we can become aware of our breath and of our own blessed existence.  When we are still enough, we can hear our soul-prayers, no matter how soft her voice.  The soul sings of her yearnings, joys, loves, and desires.  She sings out her fears and and shares her hopes and dreams.  She longs to be heard by the One who matters most.  Her prayer-song may even fill us with grace, if we let it.  When we are present enough to remember that our soul is praying, we might catch a glimpse of its--of our-- blessed existence.  When we feel her praying, we are in connection with the divine. We are doing teshuva.  

Elul 2

Day 2 into the teshuva/returning process offered me a keen reminder that teshuva is not about making resolutions.  It is not about telling myself that I will change my ways and not make the same mistake again.  It is not about telling myself that "tomorrow I will do better."   Certainly that's the goal, but to start the process this way--with these (secular) New Year type resolutions is a huge set up for failure. It is taking the easy way out.  I stopped making resolutions like this years ago and still (!) this morning, when thinking about this past year I began to list all the things that I will do better in the coming year.  I began to make those 'I'll-start-my diet-on-Monday' type promises.  Oy.  Thankfully, it didn't take long to realize that I was in 'fixing mode'.   The very purpose of this reflection and repentance period is to become aware of our failings and sit with them--take 'em all in and seek forgiveness from ourselves, others and God.   Eventually, we know that our teshuva is working in our lives when we change our ways and not make the same mistakes over and over,  but like anything worthy of lasting a lifetime, change takes work and practice and there really is no quick-fix.  Even though I wish there was.
Here's to the continued practice of staying with the teshuva process.  One day at a time.

Elul Day 1

I walked into Lifetime Fitness  today after a 7 month hiatus.  I had no plan for what I was going to do there, had no real time-frame in mind, wasn't even all that sure that I would actually get there, but I did. While on the treadmill I asked the question often reserved for the seder table....  'why is this day different then all the other days?  How is it that I ended up on the treadmill THIS morning?  It has everything to do with the first day of Elul, and Teshuva.  It is difficult to engage in reflection when not Fully Present--in mind and body--to my life.  Although  most of the time when I want to be fully present, I practice yoga, today,  I must have intuitively known that I needed to enter  into the process of reflection and presence slowly and with ease. 

While on my walk to nowhere I listened to Neshama Carlbach's Return Again. It is a melody that we sing at our congregation's High Holy Day Worship services and durning the month of Elul.  The words are:

Return Again, Return Again, Return to the Land of your Soul.  Return to who you are, return to what you are, return to where you are born and reborn again..  

I wondered... is it possible to re-turn to who we are if we have  never actualized our truest-self?   Re-Turning assumes that we have at some point been so aware of the light and potential of our soul  that we were able to embody such grace and divinity.  Returning to our soul infers that we once did  live fully connected to the Source, ourselves and others....  There are other interpretations of Return Again for sure, but this is what I am thinking about today.   I wonder how many of us feel we live up to our soul-potential?  I know I don't.  Turning and returning to the one I am meant to be is an awesome task for a lifetime of work.  Grateful to be on the Journey towards the Light one day at at a time. 

Pre-Elul Post

Elul officially begins tomorrow.  This Hebrew month brings up much anticipation for me....The High Holy Days are coming up... and sermon writing needs to begin, worship has to be planned, organized, rehearsed, etc.. Elul brings on a sense of urgency.  I worry about all the shul-work that I have to do and I worry about all the soul-work that I have to do too! Both are equally important, both take great effort.  It is important that I engage in my own Teshuva process--examining my life, my truths, my experiences and what they have meant to me. Elul calls us to search deep within and to find the dark places that need light, and that takes time and is never easy.   It is difficult to remember losses, pain, hardship and faults.  It is sometimes unbearable to remember that which we should have said but didn't and also to remember which we did say and we wish we hadn’t.  There is so much (!) and yet I have to remind myself that it is important to take it slowly, that I do not have to have the Perfect Teshuva....  In fact, I take comfort in knowing that I am not supposed to ‘return’ to perfection, rather I am to return to being perfectly imperfect--a child of God created in the image of the divine striving to uncover the goodness within.

Teshuva is not about judging  actions, feelings, thoughts & desires. It is about being aware of them and then offering ourselves up to the process of striving to be the best that we can be.  Teshuva can lead us to a life filled with more wholeness--with shalom.  It can bring us to an awareness of our own humanity and allow us to breathe deeply knowing that we are loved by a Great Love.  When we engage in Teshuva, we are better equipped to help repair our broken world.  

Elul is a month filled with both fear and awe and I enter into this month with gratitude for my life--for the light and the dark, for the successes and the challenges.                                      May the light of our souls be illumined through the holy work of Tesuhva/returning moment by moment. 

Re'eh~To see the Blessing

Tonight begins a Shabbat of recognizing that we have a choice--we can choose to remember and acknowledge the blessings in our life and live with sense of gratitude or we can choose to focus on what we do not have, to live with resentment, to allow our fear to guide us and let it get in the way of becoming the person we are really meant to be..... A pre Elul Shabbat! 


It is difficult to remember blessings when we are in the midst of challenge, sadness, depression, self-hate.... it is so hard to 'get up', sometimes.   When i am struggling with 'getting up', I often repeat/chant the phrase 'rabbah emunatecha'.  Rabbah Emunatecha, the last few words of the morning blessing Modeh/ah Ani, is translated as"Your faithfulness is great" or, as I learned from Shefa Gold, "how great is Your faith in me."   Rabbah Emmunatecha is a phrase that reminds us that a) we are created in the divine image and therefore innately good.  b) that even though we might not see or even be aware of our blessings, we can still be grateful  and c) even during moments when we feel inadequate, inconsequential, inept, this is mostly just the ego 'talking' and that indeed there is an Eternal Power in the universe, there is a truth that is greater then we are and it can pull us up from the trenches.  it is a truth (an inner-truth perhaps) that calls to us and let's us know that we are good, holy and are loved just they way we are! 



Rabbah Emmunatecha How great is Your faith in me! May we be blessed with seeing the goodness and divine sparks that rest deep with us.  




Shabbat Shalom.

Shabbat! Shalom!

        This morning was a great “Shecheanu” moment for me.  I taught Jewish yoga to our training cohort today.  We each had a 10 minute assignment created especially for us.  The assignment was designed to both strengthen and challenge our yoga practice, to take us ‘to the edge’ and offer us an opportunity to take the seat of teacher.  

The theme of my teaching was based on the our Torah portion, D’varim--the beginning of Deuteronomy.  The book of Deuteronomy is a review of our time in the wilderness--our challenges, trials, tribulations, and the great moments as well!  

Deuteronomy begins with a  new generation of Israelites about to enter the land of Israel and Moses, our greatest teacher will not be entering into the Promised Land with them.  This is Moses last song to the people.  Moses teaches us that our life-lessons are in the Journey, and are not given in the Promised Land.  After all, Torah--revelation! liberation! Freedom! was given in the desert. Yes, in the dry, hot, barren wasteland, with no water or vegetation, our holiest moments occurred, our relationship with the Holy One, was sealed.   

On our yoga mat, we set a Kavanah, an intention, for the practice to remind us of the light within that guides us on the journey.  I was honored to take the seat of teacher and am also thrilled that those 10 minutes are not behind me.  

This afternoon, we will learn from more teachers and then later we will welcome in Shabbat beginning with candle lighting. I am looking foward to Shabbat.  We will usher in Shabbat tonight with Kirtan Rabbi and another group that is sharing the retreat center space with us.  I will be a member of the congregation tonight, soaking in the light, shalom and beauty of Shabbat.  May this Shabbat remind us of the great journey that we are on, that our light, our Torah, our

G-dliness is available to us anytime, any step along this blessed life that is ours.  

Shabbat Shalom! 

serious courage

We began today by exploring the word Shalom.  As our teacher Diane reminds us, “shalom”  really does not mean, Hello, Good-bye and Peace.  The word Shalom comes from the root SLM which means wholeness.  Therefore, in Hebrew the phrase, "How are you?" is Mah Shlomech/a  which literally means, "How is your Wholeness today?"  YES! Cool, right? So we spoke about peace and wholeness and studied a text by teaching by Rav Kook,  (Chief Rabbi of Palestine d. 1935.) 

 A selection of the work we studied included, “True peace...comes precisely through the proliferation of divergent views. When all of the various angles and sides of an issue are exposed, and we are able to clarify how each one has its place--that is true peace.”  (Rabbi Chanan Morrison, adapted from Ein Ayah vol. II, pp. 397-398).  I thought about the Beth Am-Kingswood interfaith book group and our ongoing discussion of The Faith Club and how powerful it is to sit together with people of different faiths and agree that although we each have our own truths we are strengthened when we hear the truth of another.  Kook teaches that “When Torah scholars broaden knowledge and provide new insights, they contribute to the increase of peace.  We need to recognize that ‘all of Your children are the students of God.’ All views, even those that seem contradictory, in fact help reveal knowledge and truth.  For this reason, Rabbi Haninah emphasized that scholars are like builders.  A building is erected from all sides, using a variety of materials and skills.  So too, the whole truth is constructed from diverse views, opinions, and methods of analysis.” (Ibid)

I suspect that  if we allow Rav Kook’s teaching to reach the inner most recesses of our being, we will not only live more fully, we will also be able to build a better world, bringing forth shalom to us, Israel and all the world.   May this be our blessing.  Amen. 

Just Do It written on Tuesday, Aug. 2

Day 2  Just Do It!

I woke up at 6:30 for community yoga at 7.  It was a gentle, sweet class that allowed me to wake up fully to this new day.  We will continue today to talk about teaching--looking at what it means to be a teacher.   Later in the morning, at our full yoga session, we studied the Piezetzner Rabbi, also known as the Warsaw Ghetto Rabbi, also known as Kalonymus Kalman Shapira who’s teachings were buried underground in order that at least the teachings would survive the war.  

I have studied the Piezetner Rebbi before--his teachings on the weekly torah portions and on the power of community are powerful.  In our session today we studied part of his Introduction to Chovot HaTalmidim--Obligations of the Students.  He teaches that we have to teach to the individual--that we are each unique human begins and what “works” for one student, might not work for another.  Along with recognizing the needs, skills, talents, etc of our students we have to also teach to their abilities--there is a balance act between pushing too much and not enough.  We shared about finding the sparks of holiness that exists within each person, but often rest dormant, unseen and unrecognized.  A good teacher can help bring those sparks/rays of light, the goodness and wholeness that is within each of us to come forth and shine out into the world.  

After study we had a full yoga practice and afterwards we discussed themes from the class that we might want to teach.  We each had our own beautiful way of expressing what we received from class.  The themes and teachings the class brought out for me included: 

1. Gratitude
2. Embracing the power with in us and letting it shine forth out into the world!!
3. We have untapped strength and potential waiting to be released and shared with the world
4. We are part of a great tradition--part of a lineage that holds us and keeps us.
5. Steady On! (love that Shawn Colvin song) 
6. One needs to be still in order to Receive. 

All this in only the first 2 hours of the program!  There was a lot of teaching, learning, good sharing and yoga practice today.  I think tomorrow I will try to use some of my free time to be in silence.  I treasure silence (as some of you might imagine) AND it also helps to fully receive and be witness to this beautiful, blessed life. 

With Love. 

Courage-Monday, August 1, 2011

Elat Chayim 

I arrived today at Elat Chayim in Fall Village, CT for the third of four week-long retreats as part of my two-year Jewish Spiritually and Yoga teacher training course.  It is hard to enter into the calm, serene atmosphere of a retreat.  Leaving my family is never easy--no matter how many retreats and conferences I attend, leaving is always difficult.  Also,  putting work and all my to-dos out of my mind is nearly impossible at first and... I still, after after all these years, I still get anxious before a retreat and/or conference.  

I know that it  doesn’t take long to settle down and these familiar feelings will leave by lunch time tomorrow so for now, I will wait it out and try to be present as much as I can.  I have been thinking about what it means to be Present in life.  I know our lives go by so quickly--i just don’t want it to pass me by.  I think it takes effort..effort to be present and mindful of the moment...especially when the moment is one of discomfort and dis-ease.  

With these feelings and a touch of nervousness I walked into tonight’s first meeting of the retreat and we sang Yedid Nefesh, a 16th century Kabbalistic poem written in Safed. It speaks of the soul’s longing and love for God.  We sang and sat in silence for a few minutes, allowing the mind to quiet and the heart to open.  The theme of this retreat is taken from Parker Palmer’s Courage to Teach and we will be exploring and practicing (!!) what it means to teach yoga (or at least that is what I think the retreat will ask of us).  

The practice for this evening was to think of the teachers who have inspired us and the qualities that made them so special. We came up with a list of inspirational qualities of teachers--humor, non-judgement, confidence, humility, were mentioned among many other traits. We presented our answer by stating our teacher’s quality/characteristic and then stood in the middle of the group circle and taught a pose or movement that would lead us to embody that particular quality.   My greatest teachers have taught me to uncover and discover.  Whether it is teaching text or guiding me in a spiritual practice, the most valuable teachers have helped me to uncover meaning and discover new possibilities and potential.  They have helped me to grow intellectually, spiritually, emotionally.  Thinking about inspirational teachers and what they mean in our lives  was an auspicious way to begin our work together.  I am grateful that I was present enough to receive it. 

With Love.