For the last several years now I have opened one of our Rosh Hashana worship services with a meditation called Hineni, by Rabbi Rami Shapiro. It speaks of 'showing up' to teshuva and is a beautiful gift to have read today. Amazing how each year the same meditation can mean such different things to a person.
Hineni by Rabbi Rami Shapiro
Hineni. Here I am.
A little bit nervous, a little bit self conscious.
After all, whom am I talking to?
And what have I done?
Am I a sinner in search of grace
or a saint seeking salvation?
Am I so evil
or so good
as to warrant this season of introspection?
And yet here it is, and here I am:
this time of change and correction.
this heart of confusion and contrition.
Oh, if I could change!
If I could be so sure of myself
that I no longer had to imagine the sights of others;
to be so loving of myself
that I no longer had to ration my loving of others;
to be so bold with myself
that I no longer had to fear the bravery of others.
Oh, if I could change
there is so much I would change.
Maybe I will, but it scares me so.
Maybe I won't and that should scare me more,
But it doesn't.
So let me pray just this:
Let no one be put to shame because of me.
Wouldn't that make this a wonderful year?
Hineni. Here I am.
May this 15th day of Elul be filled with possibility, openness and risk-taking.
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