Elul 13 Community and Commemoration

Today I went to one of the 9/11 Commemoration Events in our Area.

The commemoration was about bringing light out of darkness.  It was about healing and comforting those in need and it was about taking pride in the building blocks of this country--democracy, freedom and justice.   Today was about community and people of all faiths, beliefs & traditions coming together to honor and recognize our indefatigable spirit.  Today was a blessed reminder to give thanks, to live each moment fully, and to return to pursing the timeless values of justice and freedom.

If you are interested... here's the invocation I offered.  Before I began, I sounded the Shofar.

The blast of the shofar. The shofar:  an ancient instrument which calls us to gather together.  It calls us to remember our victories and our defeats.  Its call awakens us to the strength of our spirit and the power of community. 

Its blast calls us to be strong.  To stand tall and proud and with courage, move forward. Yet its loud reverberation reminds us that we are weak and we are human--subject to both joy and exaltation and moments of terror and tragedy.    

We are together today to remember what we once could not possibly fathom. Again, history has shown us that the unthinkable is possible.  

We gather today 10 years after the towers fell and the human spirit brought light out of darkness.  We still grieve for the tragic loss of life, for the loss of our innocence, for the loss of the world as we once knew it.

We are also here to remember the strength and perseverance of the human spirit.  We were witnesses to the unwavering effort, determination and innate goodness of our citizenry--the civil servants, chaplains and volunteers who heard the cries and answered the call. 

Eternal Power of the Universe, Source of our courage, Strengthen our resolve to continue to work for peace and justice.   May our compassionate hearts move us to embrace the widow, the orphan, the impoverished, the needy.  As one community we lift  up the fallen and support those who are victims of circumstance, terror and hatred. 

May people of all faiths, traditions and beliefs find strength in one another.  May we all work to preserve freedom and security, filling our world with Shalom--wholeness and Peace.  Amen

Elul 11 Good Enough

Pema Chodron writes in The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times:

At [the beginning of our practice] joy is just a feeling that our own situation is workable.  We stop looking for a more suitable place to be.  We’ve discovered that the continual search for something better does not work out.  This doesn’t mean that there are suddenly flowers growing where before there were only rocks.  It means we have confidence that something will grow here..The joy comes from not giving up on ourselves, from mindfully sticking with ourselves and beginning to experience our great warrior spirit.  (80)

“...As warriors-in-training we develop wholehearted determination to use discomfort as an opportunity for awakening, rather than trying to make it disappear.” (108)

You know how last night I was going to do some stretches and quiet down a bit? (see Elul 10 post) Well it didn’t happen.  Ten minutes after I put eldest to bed, she got up complaining she didn’t feel well and basically was wide awake until 11:45pm.  I was defeated after 30 minutes of trying to calm her.  I had no more patience. I was spent.  (I hate admitting that)  I called for dear husband and he handled the rest of the night with her.   He told her stories, sang to her Frank Sinatra, which she loves, and finally quieted her down so she could fall asleep.   I listened from our room to their entire interaction. I could have gotten on the yoga mat--but they were loud, I was annoyed and well...the moment had passed. 

When I left ddaughter's room and gave my kiss goodnight to her, I felt defeated.  It was not a proud parenting moment for me, yet I knew enough to throw in the towel and call for back up.  I was grateful for the backup!  

The feeling of defeat didn't last too long because it occurred to me that if all I could do was call for back up-- that was good enough. 

I learned about being "good enough" from Wendy Mogel's, Blessing of a Skinned Knee. 

 

I didn’t settle in on my yoga mat and delight in peace and quiet last night, but I did get to see how far I’ve grown, how much more at ease in the world I feel.  For the majority of my life, “good enough” was not in my vocabulary.  How many years we spend trying to be perfect and feeling shame and guilt when we are not. Teshuva is also about remembering that we are not expected to be perfect.  I am grateful that last night I allowed myself to be "good enough"  And isn't it amazing that Good Enough is all we will ever be anyway?  

Here's to the joy of not giving up on ourselves!

Blessings for a Shabbat of awakening and Shalom--wholeness and peace. 

elul 10 Shhh

my brain hurts from thinking and doing too much and i am ready to call it a night--early for me.  only 9pm.

soon i will tuck my oldest in bed for the night. we will say prayers. i will remind her to say her 'gratefuls'.  i will tell her i love her and will say lila tov~goodnight and gently shut her door. 
the house will be quiet. i will be quiet.  i will stretch on a yoga mat and remind myself that i am not merely a 'walking-head'.  my body too, needs to work and move and do.  then i will sit for a bit.  sit still, that is.  i will settle in and pay attention to gift of breath.  i will breathe.  I will return.

Lila Tov.

Elul 9 Jews and the 12 Steps

This morning I was a participant in a focus group for rabbis about addiction in the Jewish community.  One rabbi spoke about how there are times when we feel empty inside.  We hunger and search to fill the void inside.  Some of us choose to fill the void with a false sense of security--with substances that will never fill us up.    
We spoke about how we search and search to 'find an easier, softer way' and only when our research is completed and we 'hit rock-bottom', do we open ourselves up to the possibility of turning to a Higher Power and to admitting we have a problem and knowing that there must be a better way to live.  


In my last year of rabbinical school, I was a student rabbi on a JACS retreat.  JACS, an organization dedicated to providing  support to Jewish Alcoholics, Chemically Dependent and Significant others in recovery.  At the JACS retreat, I joined about 6 other rabbis of varied denominations and we spoke with and listened to a hundred or so Jews from the Ultra-Orthodox and Chasidic to the secular and the agnostic.   I spoke with recovering addicts who said that their rabbi believed “Jews don’t drink.”  Some had not entered a synagogue in years because of the guilt and shame they felt about their addictions.  They felt like outcasts in their own our community.  And still others entered into compassionate and welcoming communities that helped them find 12 Step programs and supported them in thier recovery.  


Its rough out there.  We don't have to suffer alone.  Many of us feel an emptiness of the soul and spirit at times, but the addict never feels whole; the void always lurking deep within.  The addict suffers until she or he finds recovery and begins to understand that substance abuse is a disease and the cure is to put one's faith in a Higher Power, go to 12 step meetings, and abstain from the addition by working a daily program of recovery.  


In this month of Elul, when we especially turn to examine our lives, we can ask ourselves whether we  keep searching for ways to fill the void to no avail? Do we keep doing the same things and getting the same results?  Are our lives unmanageable no matter how much we try to control things? 


If you think you might have a problem with substance abuse, phone or email a local 12 step group or perhaps you can contact a clergy-person, teacher or friend who is familiar with 12 step programs. There are recovery groups for addictions of all kinds--Alcohol, food, gambling, sexual behaviour, co-dependencey, drugs etc. There are also support groups like Al-Anon for those living with addicts.  


Ultimately the teshuva process and the 12 steps have the same goal. They help us become the one we were meant to be by bringing us closer to God and wake us up to the sparks of holiness within us all.  


Sending love and blessings of shalom--wholeness and peace.  

Elul 8 Not the Same Old Story.

In the July/August issue of Yoga Chicago Magazine, there is a wonderful review of the 

The 12th Midwest Yoga Conference that took place this past May. "All for Love" was the theme this year and editor Sharon Steffensen writes the following about Seane Corn's class, "Yoga for a Broken Heart."

Seane Corn

"The physical body holds onto the anger and grief," said Seane. "We need to move the energy so that we ourselves don't become sick or depressed. Depression of emotions is a catalyst for depression."

....Ultimately, said Seane, "Forgive yourself for thinking it should have gone better. Forgive yourself for not saying or doing something differently. Name it, claim it, own it, and put it out into the universe. Don't hold onto it.. We can't allow grief to define the whole of our life, nor can we repress or shut it down.. Honor it, come back to the present, and then move on. We do this again and again because it is a process."

Although Seane Corn was speaking particularly about how she dealt with the anger and grief of her father's death, her teaching about working with our emotions is clear, helpful and very much about teshuva.  

To get in touch with our broken heart is not only about knowing and feeling pain, it also about being brave enough to release our pain.  To let it go.  Not easy, I know.  

One of my teachers, Rabbi Sheila Peltz Weinberg once told me that I don't  have to live the same story over and over again.  I have a story. We all do.  A story about growing up, about things that have happened to us. A story about challenges and difficulties.  Sheila taught me that we are not our pain, suffering, grief, anger, guilt, sadness--these emotions and stories are part of us for sure, but they need not define us, nor prevent us from turning and re/turning. 

Today I can remember my story and know that I can begin to live a new story that will bring me to the one whom I am meant to be.  Here's to the challenge and the blessing! 

Elul 7 Seeking Sun~ a guest blogger!

This is a cross-post from my friend and colleague Rabbi Phyllis Sommer Her blog is Thoughts From Rabbi Phyllis, and she is also participating in #BlogElul.


THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 01, 2011

Seeking Sun: #BlogElul


I have a friend who loves the sun. Whenever we go out for lunch or coffee in any weather that remotely feels warm, she insists on sitting outside and preferably in the sun.

I don't remember always loving to sit outside. But since I've been her friend...it's my first instinct, even when I'm not with her. I didn't know how much I loved being in the fresh air!

But I don't really love sitting directly in the sun (as much as I've learned to love sitting outside). She has lovely tanned skin...but I get a big ol' red sunburn if overexposed. So we usually have to compromise, and look for seats that are partially in the shade. She gets the sunny seat, I get the shady one.

In my garden, we are growing sunflowers. We've never grown them before. I am shocked at how tall they have gotten, and with no flowers yet! But yesterday, I saw this peeking out....



Yes, we are going to have some sunflowers. They are peeking out into the sun, seeking light. Each of these flowers is reaching as high as they can for the sunniest sun they can get.

I thought I was going to write a post about sunflowers and how they track the sun, facing their beautiful heads up toward the brightest spot. But instead, I read this on Wikipedia:

A common misconception is that sunflowers track the sun. In fact, mature flowerheads typically face east and do not move. The leaves and buds of young sunflowers do exhibit heliotropism (sun turning). Their orientation changes from east to west during the course of a day. The movements become a circadian response and when plants are rotated 180 degrees, the old response pattern is still followed for a few days, with leaf orientation changing from west to east instead. The leaf and flowerhead bud phototropism occurs while the leaf petioles and stems are still actively growing, but once mature, the movements stop.

Oh my goodness, there's so much to unpack in that - I feel a million sermons coming on! But seriously...they face east? It's just too perfect. Please, though, read through it all again. Young sunflowers move and learn a response pattern to move. But when they are mature (and have stopped growing) the movements stop.

Just like sunflowers, when we stop growing, we stop moving.
Just like sunflowers, we seek the sun when we are young but our instinct is to find a direction and face it once we are older and set in our ways.

Elul is here to remind us that we are not meant to be that way. We can and should find a way to move and redirect and find the light as it moves through our lives in different ways.

I'm so glad that my friend taught me to seek the sun, even at an age when perhaps I was ready to stay set in my ways. I am so glad that I am able to learn and grow and change.

Each day, each moment, I am ready to seek the sunshine.